Taking actions and thinking thoughts that give a person a shot of dopamine, nature’s feel good brain chemical, are great ways to keep a person’s mind from searching for someone to blame for their pain, misfortune or failure. Years ago, I met the doctor/clown, Dr. Patch Adams, who was played by Robin Williams in the movie by the same name. One of his favorite mood elevating activities was kissing or recalling a favorite kiss or to anticipating the next one.
The fragrances of jasmine and Hawaiian pikaki and orange blossoms also have the ability to elevate a person’s brain pleasure chemistry.
Here’s a great article about dopamine from BrainFit: https://bebrainfit.com/increase-dopamine/
Stimulating the Vegus nerve is another way. Here is a delightful video from Ellie Drake on ways to do just that: https://youtu.be/5gDfmBAh3ww.
When you understand your own invisible blaming mechanism, you will be better able to understand what is happening to your partner when she blames you! She’s probably feeling uncomfortable or is in pain or wants to avoid responsibility for something she has done–and it may be entirely unrelated to what she is blaming you for. How about that?